


Reckless Longings

by Scutter



Series: A Most Unexpected Man [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alpha/Omega, Knotting, M/M, ME3, Omega Verse, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-23
Packaged: 2017-12-20 22:52:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scutter/pseuds/Scutter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a continuation of my ‘Unexpected Man’ series, which started with ‘Choices All My Own.’ This is an Omegaverse fic. Two months ago, Kaidan ran out of omega suppressants and unexpectedly went into heat. Shepard, an alpha, helped him through the experience. And now, Kaidan is experiencing… repercussions from the mating. (No mpreg… that’s just not my kink.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reckless

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of the details of the omegaverse are explained in the first part of this series, so I’d recommend going to read that first, if you haven’t already. Otherwise, unless you’re very familiar with omegaverse concepts, a lot of this fic isn’t going to make much sense.

It had been two months. Two months since the mission to Mavigon. Two months since Kaidan had been stranded in an abandoned base for six days. And two months since he’d unexpectedly gone into heat, and had been fucked senseless by none other than Commander Shepard, Saviour of the Citadel, Destroyer of the Collectors, and, to the world at large, a balanced, controlled and reasonable beta.

Kaidan was one of only a handful of people who knew that Shepard was actually an alpha, a supposedly high strung, impulsive, reckless menace on society that was tolerated only because, well, procreation was still a high priority for the species.

Not that Shepard didn’t have his share of reckless tendencies. But far from being impulsive, his crazy plans were most often well thought out, planned, prepared for. Even if they were insanely high risk, most of the time.

But giving an alpha command of a ship like the Normandy was even more of a stretch than letting an omega serve as a Major in the marine corps, and Kaidan had to wonder at times which deity was watching out for the pair of them.

But all this reflection and contemplation wasn’t helping his problem, and Kaidan let the data pad he was holding fall into his lap, glad that the starboard observation deck was empty so much of the time. Half the time he was here lately, he was only pretending to read. Instead, he was thinking about Commander Shepard. About their time together back on Mavigon… and trying to wrap his head around all the pre-conceived notions that had been utterly shattered that day.

He had heard of other omegas going through a heat – usually not voluntarily – and afterwards, some of them had become… he had never considered himself a prude, but he had routinely cringed at the description of ‘knot-slut’ that these omegas found themselves branded with. Kaidan had always wondered how reasonable, sane men and women suddenly abandoned all decency and started craving being knotted, an experience that was, by all reports, one of the most degrading things that could happen to an omega.

Sex between two betas, two omegas, or one of each in a couple was a very socially accepted thing. Whether it was two males or a male and a female, no one seemed to care – for that matter, there was no problem if two females wanted to form a couple, but in practice, it was quite uncommon.

But alphas… alphas had that troublesome knot issue going on. They were physically incapable of mating with a beta without doing some serious damage, and the average omega, physically designed to accept the knot, wouldn’t touch an alpha with a fifty foot pole, given the choice, so most alphas had to resign themselves to a life of celibacy. ‘Self-love’ had never been an option for them either, as, if the knot inflated without adequate pressure around it, the result was extremely painful. Kaidan had witnessed this first hand during his mating with Shepard, and could understand why no alpha would willing go through that on a regular basis.

But there were two firm beliefs Kaidan had held that had been shattered the day of his mating. The first was that alphas were all violent brutes who should be sedated if they were needed for mating. Shepard had blown that one right out of the water, proving himself to be considerate, attentive and downright civilised throughout.

And the other? The other was that being knotted was degrading. Painful. Shameful.

For Kaidan himself had been knotted repeatedly throughout those 12 hours, had begged for it at times, urging Shepard to fuck him deeper, to fill him completely… But at the time, it had been easy to dismiss the wanton behaviour as being due to rampant hormones, the sort of thing that one does when they’re blind drunk, but would never do while sober, never even _discuss_ in polite company, never, ever consider doing as a sane, rational human being.

But he had heard of omegas who, after a mating, started seeking out alphas, asking to be knotted. And the alphas, of course, with little other avenue for sexual release, always took up the offer. But some of them had turned out to be less than discrete about the interludes, and many a daring omega had had their reputations and careers ripped to shreds by rumours and gossip.

And now… Kaidan had become one of them. Two months on from his heat, he remembered the knotting most of all. Much of those 12 hours was lost in a hormonal haze, but he remembered the knotting, the fullness, the feeling of being held so safe and secure in Shepard’s arms, of feeling complete, and holy fuck, the orgasms that had been wrung from him by that delicious swollen ball of flesh… He still had dreams about it, woke up panting and sweating and had to make a hasty retreat out of the crew quarters to the bathroom to relieve his aching erection…

At first, he had dismissed the sex-laden dreams. He had just been through a highly intense, significantly traumatic and utterly unexpected experience. It was bound to show up in his subconscious now and then. But as the weeks had gone on and the dreams had continued…

Had it really been as good as he remembered? His body still reacted, his ass lubricating itself as if in preparation for another thorough fucking, and Kaidan shifted uncomfortably on the seat.

But the worst thing of all was… he was considering going back and asking Shepard to do it again. Not as in next year, at his next heat – he would be back on suppressants by then, an absolute requirement of his service in the Alliance – but as in tonight. He could get in the elevator, go up to his cabin, knock on his door and ask Shepard if he’d like to fuck him into the mattress until his glorious knot made Kaidan scream in delirious ecstasy…

And in doing so, break about fifteen social customs and nine different Alliance regulations.

He was a knot-slut. Or, at least, very willing to become one.

And that was why he was sitting here, staring blankly at a data pad, thoughts going around and around in his head as he tried to make sense of his life.

Was knotting really so degrading? He could see why people would think so, from a historical perspective. For centuries, omegas had been little better than sex slaves, kept for their ability to breed, force-mated by their alpha owners, denied even the most basic human rights. And their recent liberation was something to be celebrated, cherished. Defended.

So he got it. He understood that knotting had become a symbol of that degrading past, a symbol of the omegas’ subjugation. 

But what about the act itself? Did it change him? Did it make him any less of a soldier? Did it debase his worth as a human being? He wasn’t choosing slavery. He wasn’t supporting the alphas’ suppression of omegas’ rights. He was just… horny.

And having been shown a glimpse of paradise, he wanted more. So sue him.

But there were still the Alliance regulations to consider. Fraternization was discouraged, but not absolutely banned on a space vehicle. But certain pairings were definitely banned. A CO taking advantage of any member of their crew. An omega mating without medical approval. An alpha mating with anyone at all.

And then there were the regs they had already broken. An omega ceasing to take suppressants. An alpha allowing a heat to occur within range of other serving personnel. A medical officer failing to report a non-consensual mating. Hell, not just he and Shepard, but half the crew had broken regs because of Mavigon.

But that didn’t mean he could just waltz upstairs and ask Shepard to do it all over again. Before, they had been in dire circumstances, backed into a corner, out of options.

Now… it would be utterly and flagrantly voluntary.

In all likelihood, Shepard would simply kick his ass back down to the crew deck and tell him to stop being a fucking idiot. But he knew for a fact that it had been ten years since Shepard had had sex, prior to Mavigon. And likely to be ten more before he got another opportunity. If ever. Would he really turn down the offer of free sex?

Well, yeah, of course he would. Kaidan gave himself a mental kick. This was Commander Shepard. He was the guy who fought thresher maws on foot and went deep-ocean diving to discover a millions-of-years-old life form. He was the epitome of control. Cool, calm and collected.

While Kaidan was a quivering wreck, sitting alone in the observation deck with a hard-on and a damp ass, fantasizing about things that could never be.

God, he was pathetic.


	2. Longing

Three more weeks rolled by. Three weeks of violent confrontations with reapers. Three weeks of desperate struggle, scrambling for tactics, throwing every available resource at the Crucible. The Quarians and the Geth had both joined the fight, now. Though they had lost Legion in the process. The Krogan were on Palaven, which simply meant that the Turians were losing the war more slowly than they had been before. 

And Thessia…

Thessia had been a disaster. Kai Leng. The Catalyst. The loss of far, far too many asari.

They’d gotten back from that mission only hours ago, and Shepard had all but vanished, once the necessary report had been made to Hackett. He had taken the loss hard, but when one was the Commander of a ship like the Normandy… well, he wasn’t going to let his crew watch while he pulled himself back together.

Or maybe just fell further apart.

But it had been killing him, the loss, the way they had been outmaneuvered. The devastating blow to the building of the Crucible. And he might be Commander of the Normandy, Saviour of the Citadel, blah, blah, blah, but he was still human. 

Which was why Kaidan found himself standing outside the Shepard’s cabin, debating with himself whether to knock… or to just slink away quietly. He didn’t want to intrude, didn’t want to make Shepard feel any worse… but if the man needed a shoulder to lean on, then Kaidan wanted to be that shoulder. 

Before he could think twice about it, before any more doubts could cloud his mind, Kaidan knocked. 

He was almost surprised when Shepard opened the door. He looked like hell, but he was clearly trying to hold himself together, no doubt having assumed that some new disaster was urgently needing his attention…

“What do you need, Major?” His voice was crisp and businesslike, and Kaidan wasn’t buying any of that bullshit.

“Absolutely nothing,” he replied, sounding far more confident that he felt. “Thought I’d come by and see how you were doing.” As if he had a right to barge into the captain’s quarters whenever he felt like it. A right to question his CO.

And he had surprised Shepard, he could see that much. And also saw the moment when Shepard realised that “I’m fine,” no matter how convincingly said, was not going to cut it. With a resentful glare, he stepped out of the doorway, allowing Kaidan to follow him into the room.

“If you’re here to tell me I did everything I could, you’re wasting your breath.”

Kaidan merely raised his eyebrows. 

“I did everything I could,” Shepard went on. “And it wasn’t good enough. And it had to be good enough, because the entire fucking galaxy is depending on us. So if you’re here to give me some tired one-liner that’s supposed to make everything better-“

“No meaningless platitudes,” Kaidan said firmly, interrupting the rant. “That would just be insulting to both of us. I can’t fix Thessia. I can’t track Kai Leng and I can’t retrieve the data.” He stepped closer, getting in Shepard’s face, if only to make him stop pacing the room and pay attention. “But I can be here. If you want me to be.”

Shepard stopped dead, looking at him like he was a new species… and then he collapsed into a chair, rubbing his face, quiet curses murmured from his lips.

Kaidan looked around and saw a half-full bottle of whiskey on the desk. Grabbed two glasses and poured a generous shot into each one. Not that he needed it himself, but it would be rude to make Shepard drink alone.

Shepard still had his head in his hands, so Kaidan merely pressed the glass against his fingers, getting his attention, and he was rewarded when Shepard took the glass and drained it in one go. Then he looked up at Kaidan, a mournful pleading in his eyes. Oh, this was not good.

Kaidan took Shepard’s hand and tugged him to his feet, led him away from the desk and around to the more comfortable seats down the steps. 

Sat him down. Sat beside him.

And let the silence grow.

At length, Shepard took the bottle from him and poured himself another glass. But he didn’t drain this one right away. “So what do we do, now?” he asked, exhaustion evident in his voice. 

It was an odd shock, but thankfully one he had seen coming, to have Shepard falling apart in front of him. He had been Kaidan’s rock for so long, through so many bizarre and wildly divergent experiences, that it was unsettling to imagine that that rock might not be stable any more.

“ _We_ ,” Kaidan said, emphasising the word, “are going to find a way through this. You’re not in this alone. Every single member of this crew is fighting with you. Hell, there are thousands of people out there fighting to find a way through. Okay, so we don’t have the answers yet. But we’re not dead, either.”

Shepard sighed and sipped his whiskey. “You know,” he said, after a pause. “I never thanked you. Back on Mavigon.”

Neither of them had referenced that mission since their return to the Normandy, no sideways glances, no nuanced conversations, no embarrassed pauses, so it was a shock to hear Shepard bring it up so bluntly.

“Uh… yes, you did,” Kaidan disagreed, but Shepard waved him off.

“I thanked you for not having me charged with rape.” He turned and looked Kaidan in the eye. “I never thanked you for trusting me.”

Okay, now Kaidan was utterly uncomfortable. “I… um… I wasn’t… uh…”

“It’s okay,” Shepard said. “I don’t mean to rehash the whole thing. I know it must be… awkward for you. But… shit… this probably sounds horrible… After the coup on the Citadel… I honestly thought I was going to have to shoot you. And then you stood down, let me take Udina out, and… and you said you’d never doubt me again.” He stared into his glass as if it held the secrets of the galaxy. “I didn’t believe you.”

Kaidan gasped, then wished he could suck the sound back down his throat. He had never known, never even suspected that Shepard had had any doubts about his loyalty. 

“But then you were… you needed me. And you had no real reason to trust me to do what I said I could. But you did anyway. And I know I sound like an ungrateful bastard saying this, particularly after the way it panned out, but that meant a lot to me.”

Kaidan was at a loss for words. He did need that drink after all, he realised, and quickly drained his glass. “I didn’t realise,” he said at length. 

“I didn’t want to disrupt the team,” Shepard explained, his voice sounding tight. “And I meant what I said. I couldn’t imagine facing the reapers without you.”

He drained his own glass and set it on the table, then took Kaidan’s and put it down as well. 

And then Shepard leaned forward and kissed him. 

It was exactly as he remembered it, warm, skillful lips, that intoxicating taste. The scent of him was muted, now that neither of them was in heat, but he smelt the same, unmistakable male and alpha and _Shepard_.

And then, as quickly as it had started, it was over, Shepard jerking away in a rush. “I’m sorry, “he apologised hastily, standing up, pacing away across the cabin. “That was completely inappropriate. I’m sorry.”

Kaidan felt his mouth hanging open, knew he must looked shocked as hell, and that it was sending all the wrong signals to Shepard – hell, he would give up significant body parts to have Shepard do that again – but he found himself utterly unable to gather his thoughts and say something intelligent. Even shutting his damned mouth would have been an improvement, and he seemed incapable of getting that job done. 

“It’s okay-“ he tried to say, but Shepard wasn’t listening. 

“Look, I’m tired, and I’ve probably had more than I should to drink.” He rubbed his eyes, avoiding Kaidan’s gaze. “Maybe you should go.”

Kaidan closed his mouth finally, disappointment filling him. “Yeah,” he agreed. Managed to convince his body that it needed to stand up. Dared to glance at Shepard again… only to find that his back was facing him.

But he couldn’t go, couldn’t leave it like that…

“You are the most remarkable, unexpected alpha I’ve ever met. And I’d follow you anywhere.”

He moved, then, forcing his feet to carry him up the steps. Out the door. Managed to coordinate his shaking hands enough to call the elevator.

And part of him hoped Shepard would follow him out, hoped that he would feel that strong, warm grip around his chest, that silky voice in his ear asking him _“Where are you going?”_

But it was not to be. The elevator arrived. Kaidan stepped inside. And the doors closed. 

And he felt like he’d left a part of his soul behind.


	3. No Regrets

This was it.

It all seemed so simple, laid out in a few bare sentences. Attack the Cerberus base. Retrieve the lost data. Kill Kei Leng.

Take the battle to Earth. Activate the Crucible.

Take back the galaxy.

There was no way in hell Kaidan was going to be able to sleep tonight. It was fourteen hours until they arrived in the Anadius system, the home of Cerberus’s headquarters. Fourteen hours until they began the mission that was, in all probability, going to end all their lives.

Oh, Kaidan believed they were going to win the war. What other outcome could there be? Shepard had united the galaxy, brought peace to the Geth and the Quarians, brokered cooperation between the turians and the krogan, convinced Leviathan itself to join the fight. Victory was all but carved in stone, at this point. 

But the individual lives that would be lost along the way? Kaidan was pretty sure his name was on the list. And Shepard’s. Anderson. Hackett. Most of the crew of the Normandy. 

It wasn’t morbid, he told himself. It wasn’t defeatist, either. It was the simple recognition that the people they were fighting with were willing to give their lives for the cause.

And, all things considered… he had no regrets. He’d done all he could, fought the good fight, remained loyal to his friends and devastated his enemies. He could die in peace. There was just one last thing to do, before the fat lady started singing.

And so he stepped out of the elevator and approached Shepard’s cabin door. Took a deep breath.

And knocked…

Shepard answered the door, data pad in hand, looking tired and distracted. “Kaidan?” 

“Hey, Shepard. Do you have a minute?”

Shepard held up the data pad. “I still have to go over a few-“

Kaidan took the thing out of his hand and simply walked past him into the cabin. “You’ve run every possible scenario, crunched all the numbers, and triple checked them all by now. Take a break.” He tossed the data pad onto the desk and headed down the steps, praying that Shepard followed him, instead of just ignoring him and resuming his work. “The battle tomorrow is looking like… well, it’s looking bad. And… I wanted to say something.”

Shepard sighed. Rubbed his hand over his eyes. Followed Kaidan down into the lower level of the cabin. “What is it?”

Don’t lose courage now, Kaidan coached himself. This was the last opportunity he would ever get. But even with that thought, even with the impending destruction of the entire galaxy nipping at their heels, he found himself as lost for words as he had been the first time Shepard had announced that he was an alpha, the first time he had suggested that _mating_ might be preferable to enduring his heat alone.

“Kaidan?”

“We’re going to win this war,” he said confidently. And of that, he was actually quite certain. “You’ve pulled every single species in behind us. They’re all fighting for the same thing. We’ve completed the crucible. And tomorrow, Cerberus won’t know what hit them.”

“I appreciate your faith in me. And in the rest of the galaxy. But… sometimes…”

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe. Right?”

“Right.” And shit, when had Shepard started looking so tired?

“Which is why I wanted to come here. To say this to you.” He stepped closer to Shepard, suddenly reading clearly the longing in his eyes, suddenly understanding the reason why having Kaidan in his cabin was making him so tense and uneasy. “When I went into heat on Mavigon,” he said bluntly, “I was convinced that nothing was going to help me. I didn’t know what to expect, but every single option was utterly terrifying. And then you… you told me that you could help, and… even though everything I knew was telling me otherwise… I believed you.” He took a deep breath. “So I’m telling you now. We are going to win this war. Sure, there’s going to be a price to be paid for it, but we are going to win. Just stop rationalising everything for a moment, and let yourself believe that.”

Shepard stared at him, a deep frown on his face. And then the frown slowly melted away, leaving him looking younger and boyish and innocent. Then he smiled, a small, rueful smile. “You’re right,” he said finally. “We’re going to win this.” And then the hopeful look faded to something a little more… wistful. “It’s been a hell of a ride. But I wouldn’t have traded a single moment of it.” To anyone else, the words would have been a simple statement of admiration and gratitude for service rendered. But given their history, and the echoing reference to Mavigon… the words were rich with hidden meanings and nuances, and Kaidan felt himself flush.

And now it was time to say the rest of what he came here to say. “I’ve had a few regrets in my life, but not many. Which is pretty incredible, all things considered. And I wanted you to know… I never regretted mating with you. I’ve spent the past three months telling myself it was a one time thing, something we did because we had no other choice. Something that was best left buried in the past. And I thought you felt the same.” He looked up, meeting Shepard’s gaze head on. “But you don’t. Do you.”

Shepard was silent, his expression cautious, as if suspecting a trap. 

“The last time I was up here,” Kaidan went on, praying his courage held just a little longer, “you kissed me, and that made me think that… maybe you’ve been wanting the same thing I have.”

And from Shepard’s shocked expression, not quick enough to contain the flash of hope in his eyes, it seemed he was dead on the money. But Shepard had never been one to take the easy way out. “This is inappropriate, Kaidan. You’re an omega. I’m an alpha. I’m your CO, for fuck’s sake. This would break every regulation there is. And I… regardless of what I want… it wouldn’t be right.”

And there it was. _It wouldn’t be right_. After what had happened last time, after that kiss, and the awkward, half-hearted apology for it, it had honestly not occurred to Kaidan that Shepard would turn him down. But at the cold dismissal of his affections, Kaidan felt his heart sink, disappointment stark and rude as he realised his mistake. In all his planning and theorizing, he had left out one vital detail. “Because civilised people don’t do that, right?” Shepard’s eyes widened in shock, but Kaidan pressed on. “It’s not just about the regs. Because, let’s face it, we’re going up against the reapers soon, and then we could all be dead, so who’s going to put us on report? It’s about decency and respectability, and… and you don’t want to be the alpha who gave in to a knot-slut.”

Completely without warning, Shepard had suddenly grabbed him by the collar and slammed him back against the wall, shaking him so hard his teeth rattled. “Never, ever describe yourself that way!” he demanded through clenched teeth. “You are a fucking good soldier, and a damn good friend, and it has been a _privilege_ to serve with you on this ship. And I…” He swallowed hard. “I have wanted you every day since we got back from that god-forsaken planet. And I don’t know if it’s sex, or hormones, or… for fuck’s sake, it just might be love. But I don’t know, because I have reapers breathing down my neck, and every single species in the galaxy has been trying to tear pieces out of each other, and there are ninety seven trillion lives depending on me. But I have never, ever believed that letting someone knot you makes you any less of a human being.”

“What about enjoying it?” Kaidan asked, just because he was so rattled by Shepard’s outburst that his confidence was shot, and all his fears and doubts had shot to the forefront again-

“You enjoyed it?” Shepard looked shocked, searching his face for any hint of a lie. “Really?” But there was no disgust in his voice. Instead, he sounded… hopeful?

And Kaidan all but collapsed against the wall, longing and love and lust warring for supremacy. “It was the most fantastic experience of my life,” he admitted, his voice barely more than a whisper. “And I want you to do it again.”

And then Shepard was kissing him, pressing him into the wall… then hauling his body away and over towards the bed, and Kaidan tried to keep up, tried to get his feet in order, but he stumbled and felt himself falling, that blessed mattress breaking his fall, and then Shepard was landing on top of him, hands frantic as they tried to undress him, lips devouring his own. Kaidan managed to wriggle out of his shirt and yanked Shepard’s up over his head, felt Shepard’s hands at his belt buckle, and unlike the last time he had been undressed in such a manner, this time Kaidan was savoring every second of it, every stroke of skin against skin, every small sound Shepard made. Once the pants were free from his ankles, he backed up onto the bed properly, watching with eager anticipation as Shepard stripped his own pants off. 

“This is madness,” Shepard said breathlessly, as he tossed his pants away – they landed across the coffee table, knocking a glass to the floor that somehow didn’t break on impact – and crawled up onto the bed with Kaidan. “Look… I don’t believe in that whole knot-slut concept, but a lot of people do.” He stared into Kaidan’s eyes, his expression grim and serious. “So no one can ever know about this. It would destroy your reputation. End your career. I don’t want to do that to you.”

Kaidan agreed, but the words came out only because he didn’t actually expect to live past the next few days. But if they did survive… he could no longer imagine a world in which he wasn’t allowed to love this man, wasn’t allowed to share his body with him, wasn’t allowed to shout from the top of every building that they had gotten it _wrong_ , that being mated was a beautiful, intense, profoundly fulfilling experience. They had gone so far along the path to an omega’s right to refuse sex that they had completely forgotten that they also had the right to _accept_ it.

And then Shepard leaned down and wrapped his mouth around Kaidan’s cock, causing him to curse and surge up off the bed, grabbing Shepard’s head to press him down, to make him just _keep doing that!_

And out of the blissful electric heat, another thought occurred to Kaidan. Shepard had sucked his cock twice now - the first time had been during their time on Mavigon - but he had never returned the favor. Didn’t even know if Shepard liked that sort of thing. Or if it was possible. Shepard was a lot larger than him, after all.

In fact, most of his experience with sex simply consisted of begging Shepard to fuck him. It was well past time he rectified that situation.

Slowly, gently, he tugged Shepard up his body, pausing to kiss him deeply, because he simply couldn’t resist that mouth, before proceeding with his new, self-assigned mission. “Shepard?” 

“Hm?” The acknowledgement was given distractedly, as Shepard stroked his chest and tried to nibble on his neck… But Kaidan tugged his head back up, determined to explore the possibilities more thoroughly.

“Do you want me to do that to you? I mean, when you put your mouth on my…?”

Shepard looked surprised. But also delighted. “Do you want to?”

“I wouldn’t mind trying it. If you’d like me to?”

“Oh, hell yes.”

Shepard flipped himself over, exposing his huge erection to Kaidan’s gaze, and suddenly the task seemed a little more daunting than it had a moment ago. He hesitated, unsure how to begin.

“Here…” Shepard took his hand and wrapped it around the base. “You’re not going to be able to fit much in your mouth, but if you stroke it as well… and, um…” He led Kaidan’s other hand to his balls. Kaidan had never paid much attention to them before, but they were also larger than his, and he felt a rush of dampness in his ass as he felt the weight of them.

He glanced up at Shepard, who was watching him with keen anticipation, and so he leaned forward… then pulled back, reassessed the situation… leaned forward again…

“Did your other omega do this to you?” he asked suddenly, and the blush that crept up Shepard’s cheeks was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen.

“No,” he admitted quietly, and it wasn’t hard to work out the math.

“So no one’s ever done this for you before?” The realisation was emboldening, and without any further hesitation, he leaned down and wrapped his mouth around the head.

The sound Shepard made as he did so was delicious, encouraging him to keep going, and though he quickly found out that Shepard was right – his mouth just wasn’t that big – there were plenty of other ways to make things interesting. And several minutes later, as he was sucking Shepard’s balls into his mouth, listening to his grunts and moans of pleasure, he felt a sudden hand in his hair, tugging him up and away. 

“Stop,” Shepard gasped. “Enough…” 

For a moment, Kaidan thought he had done something wrong, but as he pulled back, he saw that Shepard was panting, his fists gripping the sheets as hard as he could, and Kaidan realised the problem. Making an alpha come while he wasn’t buried deep inside an omega would be an extremely bad idea… and he waited, watching Shepard closely as he got himself under control.

And when he had, Shepard gave him a crooked, pleased, bashful smile. “That was amazing. Thank you.”

And Kaidan couldn’t stop his own grin, his hand stroking Shepard’s thigh as he contemplated doing it all over again…

“I want to be inside you,” Shepard told him, reaching out to take his hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it. 

And without the slightest thought to what he was doing, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Kaidan swung his leg over Shepard’s thighs and positioned his opening at the tip of Shepard’s erection. He was already pressing down when Shepard caught up, a heated curse coming from his lips as he grabbed Kaidan’s thighs to steady him, his hips pressing upwards to meet him…

Oh, shit, that hurt!

With a yelp, Kaidan leapt up again, startling Shepard, staring down at his cock as if it had suddenly grown spines.

“You alright? What happened?”

“Um… wow, that… that hurt,” Kaidan said, not sure what had happened himself. When they’d done this before, Shepard had slid into him easily, despite his size, and though it had been uncomfortable at first, Kaidan couldn’t have said it had really _hurt_. 

Concerned, Shepard sat up carefully and reached around behind Kaidan, gently probed his opening. “You’re wet,” he said thoughtfully. “So you’re lubing yourself properly. Does this hurt?” He slowly, carefully inserted a finger inside, and Kaidan shook his head, steadying himself on Shepard’s shoulders. 

“No, that’s nice. It feels… Aah!” Shepard had touched something inside him that felt fantastic, and he pressed down harder onto his hand. “Do that again…”

Shepard chuckled, as he pressed his finger deeper. “That seems to be one of your favourite sayings in bed,” he teased, wringing a few more moans from Kaidan in the process.

“You want to try this again?” he asked at length, and Kaidan nodded quickly. He straddled Shepard again and positioned him… pressed down carefully…

Gritted his teeth… pressed harder, not willing to admit that it hurt-

“Kaidan, stop. Stop!” Shepard pulled him up and off. “That’s hurting you.”

“I want you,” Kaidan insisted. 

“I want you too, but this isn’t working.”

“So what’s the problem with it?” Kaidan asked, suddenly breathless and light headed. He sat down on the bed feeling bereft and disappointed. 

“I don’t know,” Shepard said. 

“But you’ve done this before. I thought you knew how it worked-“

“I’ve only ever done this with one other person. There’s still a hell of a lot that I don’t know about it…” Suddenly Shepard stopped, then looked at Kaidan quizzically. “You’re not in heat,” he said, and Kaidan gave him a ‘duh’ look. 

“No kidding,” he agreed dryly. “But omegas still have sex when they’re not in heat.”

“Usually with betas,” Shepard pointed out. “Who are a lot smaller.”

Kaidan eyed Shepard’s erection, and Shepard must have caught the longing in the look. “I’m not saying we can’t do this,” he explained patiently. “But here’s a theory… during the heat, your body needs to be mated, quickly and vigorously. So what if all the hormones just loosened you up a lot? It doesn’t mean we can’t do the same thing now – the omega body is still designed to accommodate an alpha – but maybe it just needs to be done more slowly?”

Kaidan shifted uneasily, turning the thought over in his mind. And even as he did so, he could feel his ass throbbing, yearned for that feeling of fullness, the closeness to his alpha…

“How do we do that?”

“Lie down. On your back.” 

Kaidan did so, feeling rather self-conscious as he parted his legs to give Shepard access. 

But then he forgot all about his embarrassment as Shepard slowly inserted a finger inside him… then another. “Okay?” he asked.

“More.” 

He felt pressure, realised that Shepard was pulling his fingers wider apart. But when a third finger joined the other two, Kaidan was unable to stop a wince.

But Shepard was not giving up. “Shh… just relax,” he murmured, gently twisting his fingers, sliding them in and out, and it wasn’t long before Kaidan was begging for more, his insides feeling looser and wetter. And then Shepard began stroking his cock, causing another rush of moisture inside him.

“Shepard… I want…”

“A little longer,” he said, and Kaidan dimly remembered that he had cursed the man’s calm patience the last time they had done this as well. 

Finally, what seemed like hours later, Shepard removed his fingers and shifted up to kneel between Kaidan’s legs. He lifted his hips. “Tell me if this hurts,” he murmured, then, when Kaidan merely ‘hmm’ed at him, he gave a light slap to his buttock. “If it hurts, I damn well expect you to tell me,” he repeated.

“Ow!” Kaidan complained, but he wasn’t quite able to keep the grin off his face. “Fuck you!” 

But then Shepard pressed the tip of his cock inside. “No,” he said facetiously. “Fuck _you_.”

They proceeded slowly, Shepard pressing deeper, then pulling back, letting Kaidan get used to it, and at times, Kaidan wanted him to go faster, insisting that it didn’t hurt, but Shepard would not be rushed. The fullness was heavenly, the stretching a prelude to more pleasure, his ass throbbing in the most delicious way, and when Shepard finally came to rest, long minutes later, balls-deep inside him, Kaidan was panting, writhing, barely able to keep still…

Shepard pulled out only slightly and thrust back in… which was enough to send Kaidan into a powerful orgasm, his back arching, his climax shooting out of him as he cried out Shepard’s name.

But suddenly, Shepard had gone still. “Shit…”

“What?” Kaidan was still floating back to earth, his body tingling, wringing the last pleasure out of the moment, but he managed to pick up on the note of worry in Shepard’s voice. 

“Getting me inside you just took forever,” he said, nodding to where they were joined. “If I knot you, you’re going to have about thirty seconds for the width to more than double.”

Maybe he wasn’t thinking clearly. Maybe he was just tired of waiting. But… “I’m game to try it,” Kaidan said, wriggling his ass. 

He expected an argument, so he preempted the discussion by throwing Shepard’s own logic back at him. “You said before that my body is designed to accommodate yours. So at some point, our physiology must have figured out that knots expand rapidly, and an omega’s body needs to accommodate it rapidly. And there is no way in fucking hell that I’m going to walk away from here tonight having all but driven you up the wall with lust, and then _not_ let you finish. So…” He gave another jerk of his hips. “How about you damn well get on with fucking me.”

Shepard seemed lost for words. And this his hips rolled forward, seemingly without his permission. He hissed through his teeth, let his head fall back. Rolled his hips again. “You smug bastard,” he complained, but he didn’t make any attempt to withdraw.

The next thrust had Kaidan moaning, his erection suddenly back full force, and then Shepard picked up the pace, thrusting harder, deeper, gripping Kaidan’s hips. Kaidan’s body rocked back and forth with the thrusts, and he felt another climax coming on…

“Oh fuck, I’m coming!” Shepard cried out suddenly, face contorted with pleasure, hips thrusting frantically… and then Kaidan felt a spurting heat inside him and let himself relax, anticipating the knotting, longing for it, fearlessly accepting that thick, hot invasion of his body…

He felt it begin, the pressure sudden and insistent… but not painful. And then it swelled more, filling him completely… more than completely… and still it seemed to swell, drawing a flood of moisture into his passage, his internal muscles clenching down on it… Yes, that felt better… He deliberately tensed, almost as if he was trying to expel the knot, and oh fuck, didn’t that feel good… and if Shepard’s sudden curse was anything to go by, he was enjoying it as well…

There was still no pain, to his amazement, but a strange pressure was building inside him, not unlike an orgasm, but deeper, stronger… Something shifted deep inside him, as the knot swelled to its full size…

And then Kaidan all but blacked out, a sudden orgasm bursting out of him, frying his nerves, more intense than he had felt in… ever… pulsing out of him and up and down his spine… his legs spasmed… and then, just as he thought the climax was ending… the whole thing kicked off again, the pressure inside him unbelievable, the orgasm wrung from him almost against his will. 

Some time later, Kaidan slowly became aware of his limp body sprawled across the bed, Shepard still supporting his hips, his knot still buried deep inside him. His arms were flung outwards, his legs were… where were they? They seemed mostly numb. He glanced down, finding one of them hooked around Shepard’s waist, the other tucked up over his shoulder. His spine felt absolutely boneless and he didn’t think he was capable of lifting his head. 

Shepard noticed that he had opened his eyes, and his expression was instantly concerned and alert. “You okay?” 

Okay? Oh, he was well past okay. “Fucking fantastic,” he murmured, aware that his voice was slurred. 

Shepard made a noise that was half delighted surprise, half startled lust, and Kaidan felt hands stroking his thighs, his belly, his hips. 

“I’m going to lie down,” Shepard warned him, and Kaidan made an effort to open his eyes again, shifting his leg out the way so Shepard could roll him onto his side and lie down beside him, carefully not to tug on the knot too much. And, just because he could, Kaidan tucked his head in against Shepard’s shoulder, sliding an arm around his waist. 

Shepard hoisted Kaidan’s upper-most leg back up around his waist… but in doing so, the movement shifted the knot inside him, and he was instantly back on the verge of climaxing again. 

“Oh fuck…” Even he wasn’t sure whether it was an encouragement or a complaint. 

“Too much?” Shepard asked, and Kaidan took a moment to decide. 

“One more,” he conceded finally, and so Shepard twisted his hips, sparking another explosion in his groin. 

And then it really was enough, Kaidan thought, letting himself sink down into the mattress. Shepard’s hand came up around his shoulders, hugging him close, and he closed his eyes.

Tomorrow, they would tackle Cerberus head on. And the day after that, the reapers. 

And Kaidan let himself drift off to sleep, feeling Shepard’s warm, firm body around his, inside his, knowing that if he were to die tomorrow… it would be with no regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, of course Kaidan doesn't die. Stay tuned for the third fic in the series.


End file.
